Today I was playing golf with a buddy, John. We both are big baseball fans. We had been talking baseball and about the famous story of when Babe Ruth stepped to the plate, pointed at the fence and proceeded to hit a home run. He was confident, cocky or maybe a little of both.
At the next tee box there was a guy in the distance on a mower. I confidently said to John, “You see that guy on the mower?” in my best Babe Ruth attitude. I was joking of course. Then I hit my tee shot. The little white golf ball raced straight towards bright red mower. John said, “I though you were KIDDING!” I said, “I WAS!” The ball was getting closer and seemed to be picking up speed. With the mower engine roaring, he probably never heard me shout, “FORE!”
John and I watched in horror (OK, I watched in horror, John was laughing) as the ball bounced right across the mower deck. I wasn’t sure the mower man saw my ball because he was headed away from us. I turned to John and said, “That guy has a lot of nerve.” John asked, “What do you mean?” I said, “He just mowed my ball into little bitty pieces.”
Sunday, August 30, 2009
It's not WHAT you know . . .
Sitting on a bench after dinner one night at a popular Coastal SC tourist area, I overheard a woman with a northern accent say to her companion, “Aw, look at the cute little chickens.” He replied, “Honey, those are pelicans.” She was sure of herself, but he was even more so. I almost fell off the bench because what they were watching waddle across the sidewalk were DUCKS! No I did NOT make this up. You CAN’T make up stuff this good!
Larry the Duck Comes to Life
“That couldn’t be” I thought to myself. I went back for another load of equipment. This time by Larry didn’t move. However, on the next trip by he wiggled a little.
I decided to investigate. I went over to pick up Larry when all of a sudden out of nowhere came a rabid chipmunk. OK I’ll admit I don’t know if he was rabid or not, or even if it was a he. It was moving so fast I was barely even able to determine what type rodent it was.
When I say chipmunk, I realize it conjures up visions of the cute little Disney characters ‘Chip & Dale.’ This wasn’t Chip or Dale. This sucker was MEAN! He had assaulted Larry and had taken up residence in his torso.
I grabbed the nearest weapon, a broom that was nearby. I swatted, swung and smacked trying to run the varmint out of my building but he would not go. He had decided he liked it in there. Maybe it was Larry. Maybe it was my new air freshener. Do chipmunks like Vanilla?
I got tired of waiting so I went in the house to get my shotgun. I do live in SC after all. I did leave the door open though in case he decided to leave peacefully. Inside I cooled off and after a few hours went out and checked around. The critter was no where in site and Larry was all alone. I lowered the overhead door, apologized to Larry and went in for the evening.
The next morning I left early for another program when I got a page that we had a message on the voice mail. It was my neighbor. Apparently his dog had escaped and was in our yard. When the neighbor came to get Cash, their black lab he happened to look toward my studio window. The message he left said there was a chipmunk looking back at him. He thought I’d want to know. How nice.
Bad news is that I was away for the weekend. When I returned on Sunday I was afraid to open the door, fearful of what I might find. Would it be roadkill smell? Would it be everything gnawed to bits. Would I find a rabid she-rodent and Larry the Duck in wedded bliss?
Much to my delight, there was no smell, no gnawing remnants and Larry was still single. I left the door open for a few more hours so the chipmunk could find his way home. There’s been no rodent residue or any other signs of him since. Larry is still single with no one to argue with but me.
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