Where am I?

I was in the cleaning supplies section of Wal-Mart recently when a stranger stopped me and asked, “Can you tell me where I am?” This is one of those rare moments in time that a comedian's heart skips a beat. I very clearly and slowly said, “Wal-Mart.” He said, “No, I mean what area am I in?” I looked at the cleaning supplies on the shelves as my heart skipped another beat. I responded with, “Cleaning supplies.” Finally he clarified his question, asking, “No I mean what TOWN am I in?” I said, “You’re in Anderson, SC.” That’s when I realized he was on the phone the whole time. Isn't it amazing how people completely lose their mind on the phone.

History Lesson

Tonight while helping my 4th grader Katie study for a Social Studies test, we covered the “Shot heard round the world.” We covered which battle it was in, then I asked, “Why was it called the shot heard round the world?” Katie responded with all the confidence, “Cause it was really loud.” I held the papers in front of my face for a moment to gain my composure, then asked, “Do you really think that’s why?” She then said, “Well, it affected lots of other countries in other ways but it had to be really loud!”

Forest Fires

At a rest area along I-81 there’s a sign that reads: “No Open Fires Before 4pm.” What happens AFTER 4pm?

Jimmy the Elf

For the past couple of years our daughter has wanted an Elf on the Shelf to show up at our house. This past weekend, Jimmy Elf appeared!

We’re driving a loaner car while Kristie’s van is being serviced. There’s an access door from the back seat into the trunk. Friday night, both kids could NOT quit opening and closing that door.

Saturday as we backed out of the garage to go to lunch, yet again they opened that access door. Kerwin, our eleven year old said, “What’s that?” He reached through just as we had stopped backing out and were about to move forward. His hand came back into view holding a little red figure. Katie, who’s nine, let out a horrific scream, “It’s an elf Kerwin and you killed it. You’re not supposed to touch it!” She then jumped out of the car and ran across the driveway crying from fear. The very thing she’d wanted actually horrified her!

We told her to get back into the car so we could go to lunch. She said “No! That’s a haunted elf!” We assured her that it wasn’t, but she insisted, “Then how did he get in our trunk. It’s not even our car. Maybe he’s somebody else’s haunted elf!” She was literally terrified and would NOT let that door open again. Kerwin tried to play it cool, because he’s eleven, but he too was a bit unnerved.

During lunch, Katie asked our blessing and finished that with, “ . . . and please let our elf Jimmy forgive us.” Later that afternoon, Katie wrote Jimmy Elf a letter on post-it notes and put it in the trunk with him. It read: “Dear Jimmy, Please forgive my brother for touching you. He didn’t realize you were an elf. He didn’t mean to. Love, Katie.”

Apparently all is well now. The next morning, Jimmy Elf was sitting on our mantle over the fireplace. Katie asked me if he forgave them for touching him. I told her that I suppose he forgave them at least enough to come back for one more day!

The top three morals from this story are:

3. Be careful what you wish for. You just might find it in your trunk and feel the need for forgiveness.

2. Christmas is a magical time each year but in the Sonefelt home, the Year of the Elf will never be forgotten.

1. I’ve found a way to keep my daughter from touching the TV Remote . . . put an elf on it!

English Curling Iron

For a recent trip to England we had planned thoroughly. We had even purchased some electrical adapters so we could plug in our American electronic gadgets overseas. Our first morning there, Kristie had plugged her curling iron into the adapter and plugged that into the wall socket. Nothing happened . . . I mean nothing at all. The curling iron light didn’t come on. Being the handy man I am I quickly figured out that there was a little switch right beside the socket. I flipped it. I’m not quite sure if the scream or the puff of smoke came next. All I know for sure is that her hair is now PERMANENTLY curled. At least from what I can tell for now . . . until the swelling goes down.

Getting a Shot

Today I learned how to respond to the news of getting a shot at the doctor’s office. I learned from my nine year-old daughter. The proper reaction is to wait until your big brother is getting his and has all the attention. At that point you slip quietly out of the door of the exam room and go hide in the bathroom. It will take fifteen minutes or more for them to find you and they’ll be so glad to finally see you that they may forget the shot all together – NOT!

Interstate Sofa

I’m sure if you travel much at all, even for a family vacation once a year, you’ve probably seen a sofa on the median of the interstate at some point. I’ve seen many and have even written jokes about the situation. I’ve always wondered just how they get there though. Tonight I figured it out while waiting at a red light. A car crossed through the intersection (a CAR, not a truck) with a sofa on the roof. The sofa was NOT strapped down or even held with a bungee cord. Nope, it was held in place by one of the driver’s hands and one of the passenger’s hands. At first I laughed. Then I thought, “Yep, that explains it!”